Somehow, Someday

DAUGHTER. YOUTH.

I think I have a hard time letting go of the past. It’s sort of this Radio Flyer I’ve got tied around my waist. No matter where I go or who I’m with, it’s always trailing right behind me. And every memory, experience, every person from my past is crammed into this little red wagon.
I think I’ve let it become a crutch, as well as a burden. Something I can look back on whenever things aren’t going particularly well. I can sift through the piles of garbage and pick out something to feed the beast that helps me feel sorry for myself. I’m finally at the point where I realize it’s time to retire this tired, rusted cart. I need to find a secluded, empty field. Dig a gaping hole in the ground. Pull the pieces out, one by one. Give each one its time, then toss it in the hole. Bury it out where no one will find it. Forget where I buried it. And walk away. Never return. Because what I do today, that is what makes me. Not the Radio Flyer. Not this person or that. Not this choice or that. Because that is all behind me now. Where it belongs. The burn marks left from where you hurt me have healed. I will not let you, a stranger to me now, rule my life, my head, or my heart.

Advertisements

4 comments

  1. This is great. Good for you. Holding on to that stuff keeps us from being happy, living full lives, and prevents us from total commitment to anyone. The past can’t be changed; it can only teach us something–about ourselves and about how to deal with life. God says whe He forgives us He throws those sins, those regrets, those mistakes we’ve made into the deepest part of the sea. Then He puts up a ‘no fishing’ sign.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s