I am an expectations victim. I am prone to living with my head in the clouds. I own two pairs of glasses: rose colored and an old pair I go back to every now and then that are stained with tears.
Going too in depth about a recent expectation gone wrong will just bring up old pain. So I’ll be brief.
We all know that wonderful feeling of falling in love, even if it’s all happening so fast. You just feel so good all the time. And it seems too good to be true. And that’s because it is. I mean, not always. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you end up falling in love with your soul mate. And the two of you stay together for the rest of your lives. Or maybe something happens that tears you apart, and after a time, you find each other again. But sometimes it doesn’t happen like that. Sometimes you are feeling so good about the relationship and then little things start happening that shouldn’t be happening. They seem like little things at the time. Because you want to ignore them and keep feeling good. The reality is though that those things are going to continue happening. And you know that you should turn around right this second and run. Run away from this bomb just waiting to drop right at your feet and blow your whole world upside down.
And then it does. You get that message, We need to talk. And the conversation is so void of emotion. It’s just this person, who you thought was walking right beside you down this path leading to a future together, this person and you on the telephone. This doesn’t even happen while you can look into each others’ eyes. There is no chance of begging for yet another chance. And you think, how cold. Why is it happening this way? But it’s for the best. Because you don’t need yet another chance. You never really screwed up in the first place. They just made you think you did. And after you’ve finished being sad that this thing you thought was so great has ended, you start to open your eyes.
There it is. The truth. It was sitting right in front of you the whole time. And then the sadness turns to anger. Because the truth was staring you straight in the eye. Challenging you. Testing you. You were fighting for the wrong thing the whole time. Because success was not in doing everything you could to make them see you, to love you, to accept you. Success would have been leaving that first time. Leaving the second you knew that something wasn’t right. Success would have been turning around and running as fast as you could in the other direction.
The sad truth is, he never loved you. Nothing he said was real. Oh, he’ll say it was. He’ll make you believe every word that comes out of his mouth. He’ll make you believe that you are the only one who has done any wrong in this short relationship. He’ll make you believe anything he wants you to.
Be strong. Don’t put either of those glasses on. You don’t need them.