I Have A Lot Of Growing Up To Do

I’ve come to a terrible and embarrassing realization about myself very recently. I tend to make really stupid life decisions and then play the victim when things don’t go right for me. I’m praying I’m not the only one who does this, and also that this is common. Because admitting this about myself is like writing UNDATEABLE across my forehead. The fact that I am even able to date again is ridiculous.
I don’t even know the first thing about facing all my flaws and weak life points. Am I supposed to just sit and think about it? Write them down? And let’s say I do write them ALL down. What the hell am I supposed to do with that catastrophically long list of negative characteristics? That’s one of those private journals I would hide from even myself. I’d burn it. Because who wants to continuously admit that they are wrong, or weak, or naïve? That they are horrible at making decisions for themselves. That until they just fucking grow up, mundane and completely avoidable problems will always trail behind them. Like stray dogs waiting for scraps.
Well right now, I am deciding to own it. I am no victim. Because everything that has happened to me up to this point in my life was of my own doing.

“Strong women don’t play victim, don’t make themselves look pitiful, and don’t point fingers. They stand and they deal.” -Mandy Hale


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