I Cannot Keep This Quiet

All the right words, all the right moves. And all of them lies. 

You had me fooled for a little while there. I hope you read this. I hope to God you see this. Because now you will know why I left. 

You know that something in there is wrong. You must see that. Everyone cries, everyone falls to their knees, everyone begs. Almost everyone.

I cannot stop thinking about your breath in my ear, your hands on me, holding me to you. A gentle embrace becomes a death grip. You didn’t care if I left. You thought you did. But the only feelings you will ever feel are paranoia and anger. 

How could I fall for a lie? It was such a bittersweet one. I was floating carefree. And all the while, you were digging a neat little hole in the ground for me to fall into. 

I can’t sleep. I can’t focus on anything. I can’t stop crying. And I’m not crying because I’m immature. I’m crying because there is a pain in my heart that you will never understand. And you will never understand the love I started to feel when I was with you. 

I hope you figure out what it is that is wrong with you. I hope someone tells you. I know exactly what the problem is. But you probably wouldn’t believe me. You’d say that you are such a nice guy, that everyone thinks you’re such a nice guy.

I have a perfectly rational explanation for your illness. 

 

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